2011 Jaguar XJ Spy Shots Revealed, Sir William Lyons Turns In His Grave

Jaguar XJ Concept

Spy shots and concept photos published in British publication Car [which I came across via Autopia] reveal a Jaguar XJ that has been redesigned to ensure that Jaguar ultimately meets the same fate as Volvo: obscurity and unpopularity. Abandoning the traditional makeup WHICH MADE THEM LEGENDARY - ahem, excuse me - Jaguar’s design chief Ian Callum appears to have engineered yet another interchangeably-styled luxury sedan. 2011 XJ test mules that were spotted on the test track were heavily disguised under the body work of the current model XJ saloon’s, but I’m not fooled. According to sources, the Jaguar XJ’s new design direction is a heavy crossbreeding of the Aston Martin Rapide and the Bentley Continental GT, which several auto enthusaists have heralded as a much-needed revision of the Jaguar XJ’s “outdated style.”

Sigh.

Ok. Let me break this down for you: When Ford bought Volvo in 1999 they performed the same kind of overhaul, abandoning the “turbo brick” styling. The result was a retooled Volvo that looked like little more than a high-end Ford Taurus. Now, thanks to that brilliant maneuver, Volvo’s popularity as a brand has been “put in the back on the discount rack, like another can of beans,” [to quote Billy Joel]. The only motorists that are still enthusiastic about Volvo are the loyjala fanatiker like myself who remain true to the original Volvo line, manufactured from 1927 to 1999. As a matter of fact, if you ever crack open the pages of Rolling Magazine [the official publication of the Volvo Club Of America], you’ll notice a distinct lack of anything influenced by Ford.

2011 Jaguar XF Spy Photos

Like Volvo, Jaguar’s design isn’t merely an odd, “outdated” aesthetic, it’s a tradition-rich design upon which Jaguar’s legacy has been built. If it’s drastically altered to resemble yet another Bentley look-alike, you will effectively destroy the only traditional thread the Jaguar XJ had left to cling to. Granted, the entire Jaguar line has suffered a fall from popularity, but tampering with it’s only remaining prize-winning formula isn’t going to change that. I say to Jaguar: leave the XJ alone and focus instead on fine-tuning the two models that are already trying to embolden the mix, the Jaguar XK and the XF. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself sitting next to Volvo on the discount shelf…I hope you like beans.

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Man Blames Erratic Driving On Spilled Beer, Arresting Officer Nobly Suppresses Urge To Beat Him

Our collective imagination isn’t quite good enough to make this stuff up, folks: in Albuquerque, New Mexico, a man was stopped by Ofc. Kurtis Ward after he was observed weaving in and out of traffic. Too drunk to perform any field sobriety tests, the man explained to Ofc.Ward that his poor driving was a result of a momentary distraction caused when the man accidentally spilled his beer. Upon further inspection, Ofc.Ward counted not one, not two, and no folks, not three, but four open bottles of beer in the car.

Video Footage From Ofc. Ward’s Dash Cam After Jump

Further supporting the belief that some people should just be shot on site, Ofc. Ward reported that the man appeared to believe his explanation was entirely logical, “He was so matter of fact about it, like it wasn’t a big deal.” Incredulous, Ofc.Ward admits he initially thought the man was joking, but after the man’s arrest record indication 6 previous DWI convictions, he realized he wasn’t. As they toss another Johnny Walker Red empty out the passenger’s side window of their 1979 Cadillac Coupe de Ville, New Jersey says: “We ain’t impressed.”

[News & Photo Source: KOB.com]

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2009 Honda Insight Prepares For Parisian Debut

Today, Honda has confirmed that a bigger, updated model of their hybrid vehicle, the Honda Insight, will make its green entrance at the Paris auto show in October. Introduced in 1999, the Honda Insight is technically billed as the first mass produced hybrid vehicle and, in theory, should’ve beat the Toyota Prius at it’s own game. Unfortunately, in addition to being the leaders in hybrid technology, Honda was also the leader in aesthetically revolting exterior design. The latter distinction ultimately cost them big time; from 1999 to 2006, the Honda Insight only sold a total of 17,001 units. Expected to hit dealer showrooms in April, the 2009 Honda Insight will ditch the 2-passenger, covered rear wheel layout in favor of a five-passenger hatchback and will look absolutely nothing like its rival, the Toyota Prius. We jest, of course.

‘See The 09 Insight After The Jump

2009 Honda Insight

After licking their wounds, Honda sent the Insight back to the drawing board and for 2009, will reveal a fresh design shaded heavily with Prius-brand colored pencils. With a completely new platform, the 2009 Honda Insight adds room for three more passengers and loses those gross first generation rear panels. Although the Insight’s gasoline engine will be its primary power source, the electric motor will generate energy for the car’s auxiliary functions as well as provide additional power for accelerating, starting, and stopping. Surprisingly, the Insight’s upgrade does not spell price inflation - quite the opposite, in fact. Specifics have yet to be released, but Honda has confirmed that the Insight will retail for less than the both the $22,660 Civic Hybrid and the $21,500 Toyota Prius.

We say: We sympathize with Honda because they did it first, Toyota just did it better. We’re sincerely rooting for the Honda Insight, and if we manage to get our hands on a Prius and an Insight, we just might have to schedule a drag race shootout.

[Photo & News Source: Auto News]

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Burning Man’s Expressionist HUMMER Inspires Pity For Unwashed, Uninspired Masses

Found during my daily read through Jalopnik, this HUMMER sculpture erected [snigger] by the Burning Man elite marks the first time in my conscious history when a demonstrative effort made by burnouts hasn’t sparked blinding anger and/or the brandishment of firearms. As a matter of fact, this sad little display actually inspires a sort of genuine pity in me, much like the kind I feel for that one guy with the faded “Wuck Fachovia” sign who sits in front of the local bank. If I didn’t think he’d try to cop a feel, I’d gently put my arm around his shoulder and in a soothing voice say, “It’s over man, you lost. Just go ahead and go on home now…”

At any rate, we don’t really have much to add by way of original content [Burning Man, protest, global warming, so and on and so forth...] and apparently neither do these sad little unwashed tax evaders. I mean, a giant Hummer? You had like, what, 12 months to identify and exaggerate a symbol of “corporate evil”? And the best you could do was a giant Hummer. Really.

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“Grease to Greece” Ralliers Eco Trip From London To Athens, Fueled Entirely By Cooking Oils

Engineer Andy Pag On His
“Grease to Greece” Rally

On Wednesday, engineer and London native Andy Pag lead his 8-team caravan on the final leg of their 10-day “Grease to Greece” road rally. Throughout the course of the 2,500 mile long trip from London to Athens, Pag and his teammates spent approximately nothing on fuel, relying instead on the donations of used oils from restaurants. According to a statement Pag made to Reuters [as later printed by the Daily Mirror], it was incredibly easy to find eateries willing to donate for the cause, “Whenever people have had oil they have been really, really willing to give it,” he explained, “It’s a waste product for them so we are taking away their rubbish.”

Obviously, the mission of the rally was to promote the use of recycled cooking oils as an alternative source of fuel. No stranger to the eco-friendly cause, last year Pag demonstrated the use of waste chocolate as an alternative source of fuel when he drove a truck entirely powered by the foodstuff from London to Timbuktu in Mali. Next year, Pag plans to take to the skies and circle the globe, relying entirely on aviation fuel produced from recycled trash bags. Said Pag, “There is no reason why Joe Public cannot do this, [they would] save themselves a bit of money and help the environment because they are not using fossil fuels.”

Pag & Team On Chocolate-Fueled Trek To Timbuktu [Photo Source: HANDOUT/AFP/Getty Images

[News Source: MIRROR.CO.UK]

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The 2010 Fuel-Efficient Jeep Grand Cherokee: We Need A Stiff Drink

Pushing us ever closer to the brink of buying the biggest environmental nightmare we can get our rebellious little hands on, Chrysler LLC has announced their current development of a lighter, smaller, greener Jeep Grand Cherokee for 2010 [our anguish is too great to describe right now]. The hybrid Grand Cherokee will feature a new uni-body frame, designed in part by Mercedes-Benz, and a new, more fuel-efficient V6 engine currently being developed under the code name “Phoenix.” Although the 2010 Hybrid Jeep Grand Cherokee will be Jeep’s first hybrid model, Jeep has also announced that several, as-yet unreleased vehicles will follow suit.

Jeep Trailhawk Concept

Jeep Renegade Concept

As a testament to their new commitment to the same environment that they were previously known for four-wheeling over, Jeep has also announced that their new hybrid models will be manufactured in their re-outfitted Jefferson plant in Northern Detroit. To prepare for the green maelstrom, Jeep has begun the process of giving the Jefferson plant an environmental overhaul - to the tune of $1.8 billion dollars. Currently, the plant is responsible for the production of the Jeep Grand Cherokee and the Jeep Commander [Aw Jeep c'mon - please, please, PLEASE do not release a Hybrid Commander, just let the thing die with some dignity] but after it completes its 285,000 square foot expansion, an upgraded assembly line and redesigned body shop will be ready to begin producing Jeep’s new hybrid models. In keeping with Jeep’s new Devotion to Green, the plant will also include several “green initiatives”, including:

• Energy-efficient fluorescent lighting fixtures
• Cleaner air-filtration systems
• Waste-reducing decanting technology
• Quieter electro-servo weld guns
• Replacing unused parking-asphalt areas with grass to reduce heat generation
• Utilizing reusable paint clips that hold doors in place during the paint process and reusing parts racks, resulting in a reduced raw material consumption
• Trailer cubing and rack density improvements to reduce fuel consumption and transportation costs

So how serious is Jeep about their new-found faith? Serious enough to prompt Chrysler LLC to sell its Tritec engine manufacturing plant in Brazil, and put the proceeds towards the Jefferson reconstruction. Normally, we would be lamenting the fact that Jeep has apparently drunk [drank?] the “herbal” kool-aid, but we’re temporarily abandoning our seal-clubbing idealogy to applaud Jeep for refusing to allow an American cornerstone to be phased out. To Jeep personally: Although we feel a little betrayed right now, the anger and hurt will eventually subside and we just want you to know that, no matter what, we’re ultimately behind you all the way.

[Source: Automotive News]

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“Environment, Shmironment”, Says Middle Eastern Man

Purchasing the Lamborghini Murciélago LP640 used as the Batmobile in The Dark Night: $376,296.30

Total cost of routine maintenance: $7,034.76

Round-trip airfare for the Murciélago from Quatar to Heathrow to have routine maintenance performed: $39,610.15

Telling environmentalists to suck it: Priceless.

According to an outraged newspaper, a wealthy Middle Eastern man shelled out roughly as much as his country’s deficit to have his Lamborghini Murciélago flown to London and serviced by a licensed dealer. The Lambo’s 6,500-mile round-trip trek was confirmed by the freight service responsible for transportation, Quatar Airways, and has environmentalists seeing red [or I guess, green]. Said sensible shoe-wearer and member of self-described “pressure group” Plane Stupid, Jenny Stone, “This horrifies me. It is another example of how rich people exploit and pollute the planet because of their money.”

Lamborghini, whose continued financial success even in the face of an economic crisis, didn’t have much to say by way of public statement other than what basically amounted to, “Damn, can’t you just back up off a dude and let a player, play?”

[Source: The Sun]

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